UK, Spain, Romania

UK: I Wrote a Song by Mae Muller

A catchy enough tune and some excellent life advice for people to take on board when they feel wronged. If only this song had come out a year and a bit ago. I can hand-on-heart say that the world would be a better place if old mate Vlad had written a sassy song instead of invading Ukraine. Just to add to the mental image I would also encourage him to get a manicure to match Mae Muller. This song is pleasant enough but probably not a title contender, however for giving me the mental image of Mr Putin with huge talon fingernails singing a song about how he feels betrayed I am giving this song a 3.5/5

 Review by Louis O’Neill

Hansani: Energetic and creative performance, love the lyrics and music, very danceable song.

Spain: Eaea by Blanca Paloma

Blanca Paloma has an impressive and powerful voice. The dancers really got enthusiastic with their rowing performance, but it just didn’t feel like it had enough flair or pazzaz to win Eurovision, perhaps they’re saving their full potential for the big night. Also of concern is the fear that the lead singer is heading up the progression from high-waisted trousers to half-body trousers – a risk that we should all keep an eye on. 3/5

 Review by Louis O’Neill

Romania: D.G.T. (Off and On) by Theodor Andrei

The highlight was a sudden wardrobe change which really sums up this entry. It appears to heavily rely on sex appeal, lacking a catchy tune or Eurovision style extravagance. 2/5

 Review by Louis O’Neill

Italy, Latvia, Spain and the UK

ItalyErmal Meta e Fabrizio Moro: Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente

One might easily conclude that Italy’s entry is a happy, toe tapping ditty, probably about summer love or gelato or both. But the upbeat tune is in fact a grim commentary on war, terrorism and displacement. The main message is well illustrated in the video, let’s see what Ermal and Fabrizio dish up on stage. Will political commentaries go anywhere at Eurovision in the 21st century? Probably not…sorry Italy!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

LatviaLaura Rizzotto: Funny Girl

The title and bio pic is deceptive – no sign of Barbara Streisand anywhere in Laura’s performance. There is some staccato singing, a modern version of voguing and a combination of jazz trumpet and cello, leaving me utterly confused. Will Europe be as confused and erroneously allocate douze points?

Review by Mariella Herberstein

SpainAmaia y Alfred: Tu Canción

Look, Spain has sent much, much worse to Eurovision and I am grateful for  young and inoffensive Amaia and Alfred. Still, this sickly sweet, and slightly nasal number will send you to sleep at around 0’21”. While effective, this is somewhat elaborate for a sedative.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

United KingdomSuRie: Storm


The UK has cloned Annie Lennox for Eurovision. Obviously, the real Annie declined politely, having seen the humiliation experienced by UK Eurovision entries (cue Engelbert Humperdinck and  Bonnie Tyler). And it almost worked: short blond hair (tick), long, angular face (tick), string riff from Walking on Broken Glass (tick). Yet, CRISPR was unsuccessful in removing the highly annoying For eh-he-he-he-he-ver  chorus. More humiliation awaits!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

UK, Montenegro, Sweden

UKNever Give Up On You by Lucy Jones

The UK are perennial underachievers at Eurovision and that was before Brexit, I’m not sure that the British voters realised what the Eurovision implications would be. This year’s entry Lucie Jones is, wait for it …… Welsh, she is from Cardiff, a bit of Wales that voted to stay so perhaps she should play on this a bit. The song is a rather breathless effort, it you are watching the broadcast I recommend it would to be a good 3 minutes and 14 seconds to make another drink or load the dishwasher.

Review by Matt Bruce


MontenegroSpace by Slavko Kalezić

Slavko Kalezić seems to split his time more or less evenly between the hairdresser, the gym and wherever you get manscaping done in Montenegro. He wants to take you to space so you can be as one, where he will, presumably, unleash some more of his thinly veiled innuendo.

Review by Matt Bruce

SwedenI can’t go on by Robin Bengtsson

The backup dancers in this number wear skivvies, dance with their hands in their pockets and drive Volvos. One of those things isn’t true. National stereotypes aside, Robin Bengtsson should do pretty well, I Can’t Go On is the kind of generic urban offering that seems to be quite popular these days and stands out against a procession of Euro-ballads. Finals for me.

Review by Matt Bruce