Portugal, San Marino, Slovenia and Spain

Portugal – MARO: Saudade, Saudade

Beautiful voices, excellent harmonies, transcending melodies in a stripped down delivery. Consumed in isolation, this is great, but wedged between similar arrangements (think Iceland’s Systur trio) and highly explosive pumping beats with outrageous onstage shenanigans (e.g. Norway’s banana wolf), I fear that Portugal’s lovely song will be forgotten.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

San Marino – Achille Lauro: Stripper

San Marino is really shaking it up this year and I love it! Rock legend Achille is here to shock with his references to sex toys and strip clubs (well, maybe 20 years too late, but I am sure it sent shockwaves through San Marino). Still, the rock and roll performance will shake up the audience as will his confident and captivating charisma! Definitely the finales for me!!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Slovenia – LPS: Disko

This adorable high school band promises us Disko, but falls way short. I hope they can get a refund on the tuxedo rental after the semis.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Spain – Chanel: SloMo

With more legs than Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies, and some high octane latin pop, Chanel is set to thrill the audience! This could easily be the crowd-pleaser of the finales! How all this booty will go down with the voting grandmothers of Eurovision land, is less predictable.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Lithuania, North Macedonia and Poland

Lithuania – Monika Liu: Sentimentai

With a pair of excellent shoulders and the best bowl haircut in the whole competition, Monika is probably the most elegant performer in Turin and deserves points just for that. The song however is a modern version of the ‘tuba-piano accordion-drum’ axis of evil. Probably more suitable for a beer festival somewhere in the Baltics.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

North Macedonia – Andrea: Circles

What an excellent start: gritty, edgy with a smokey deep voice expressing what we are all thinking – let’s have a conversation and fix this situation. Sadly, the chorus just lacks the emotional (and musical) explosion we were hoping for, leaving Andrea behind in the semis.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Poland – Ochman: River

Ochman’s excellent voice paired with the solo piano helps us forget that the lyrics were written by a heartbroken 15 year old, aspiring to become a poet. Still, one of the better entries we have had from Poland over the years (remember the milk maids?). I am sure Chris Isaak also doesn’t mind the plagiarism either Definitely the finals.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Serbia, Finland and Latvia

Serbia – Konstrakta: In Corpore Sano

Look, I’m grateful you’re encouraging handwashing in 2022. But also you’re spreading some medical misinformation, and by that I can’t abide. For one, deep under-eye circles say nothing about the status of your liver, unless you’ve been up all night drinking. Two, those spots around your lips say nothing about the attractiveness of your spleen – it’s probably just herpes, and that’s ok. Three, Meghan Markle’s hair secrets are simply beyond our feeble medical understanding. And four, the autonomic nervous system is also the reason why you’re sweating as you eye the vastly superior competition. Serbia, let me clarify one last piece of confusion for you: Fomites are surfaces that can spread infection between people by contact, and hand-washing will help you here. FOMO is what you’ll experience watching the Finals you didn’t make, and no amount of hand-washing or hand-wringing can save you now.

Score: 6/10 for scrub technique, 3/10 for the music 

Review by Scott Fabricant

Finland – The Rasmus: Jezebel

Glam rock is back and ticking all the right boxes: heavy mascara, screeching guitars, biblical references, thundering percussion, a chorus snatched from Alice Cooper’s Poison and, best of all, one hell of a key change!

What’s not to love??? Douze points!!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Lativa – Citi Zēni: Eat Your Salad

Being green is hot, cool and sexy!!! Set against a big-band sound, the non-sensical lyrics (some of which so shocking, they were censured…) and the controlled chaos of this high energy performance is most enjoyable. Joke entries can sometimes go far in Eurovision (Ukraine Verka Serduchka made it to second place in 2007), but I am not sure Latvia is in the same league, although I like the message!!!

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Estonia, Ireland, Montenegro

Estonia – Stefan: Hope

Estonia is going full country on Eurovision! Surely bringing a spaghetti western to Italy is nothing short of genius! Stefan has the right voice and attitude to carry this off and he can even ride a hose (a white one, of course) – certainly the video is high class. Could be the dark horse of the competition?

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Ireland – Brooke: That’s Rich

Surrounded by solid 80s synth, and dressed in pyjamas, Brooke’s cheeky girl-pop is audacious and fresh. I, for one, highly appreciate the departure from the folk-inspired songs that Ireland likes to throw at Eurovision (as well as the occasionally turkey). Brooke won’t win Eurovision for Ireland, but she will definitely do better than recent years when Ireland came last in the semis. You go girl!

Review Mariella Herberstein

Montenegro – Vladana: Breathe

Following a period of hiatus, Montenegro has decided to come back to Eurovision with a classic Balkan ballad. Vladana, probably a vampire, laments the fragility of life with an impressive vocal range. Undoubtedly, Montenegro’s best performance to date, yet the song lacks a catchy chorus to hook into and to propel it into the finales.

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Romania, Ukraine and the Netherlands

Romania – WRS: Llámame

Hola, mi bebébé… This track takes me back to my Oxford Street days.. The sleeveless white shirt, the tight faux leather pants, the underwhelming but sexy choreography… 
I was definitely low-key dancing in my seat, but would I get up and vote for Romania’s low-key entry to this year’s competition? No. Not without that much-needed key change, I wouldn’t. The beat was great, but I won’t be calling you, bebébé.

Review by Georgina Binns

Ukraine – Kalush Orchestra: Stefania

I was ready to already vote for Ukraine to win the entire Eurovision this year without even having heard their entry (Yes, political bias in Eurovision is real but unspoken), but WOW Kalush Orchestra has an absolute banger with Stefania!! The track leads with a harmonious Ukranian folk lilt and jumps right into some excellent hiphop rap that will have you out of your seat and looking for the nearest set of adidas sneakers – and just WAIT until the lead singer pulls out his traditional wood flute-thing…. honestly, I never thought I’d fall for wind-instrument player, but this nymph-voiced lad can GET IT. I think we all know by now how easy it is to win me over with some excellent harmonies, but coupled with some heartbreaking English translations such as “I’ll always find my way home, even if all roads are destroyed” and a lullaby-dedication to his mum, and I’m ready to go into battle for this entry.

5 out of 5 molotov cocktails!! SLAVA UKRAINI!

Review by Georgina Binns

The Netherlands – S10: De Diepte

Goodness me, Stien has THE most beautiful voice! This song, De Diepte is about being young and lost in love, something we can all relate to. The video clip is confusing, because there’s a lot of motorbike riding and she gets on the back of this young man’s bike without a helmet, and I must be getting further away from ‘young’ because I was very worried for her? No wonder she looks so sad, maybe she asked him for a helmet and he wouldn’t give her one? You’re right to dump him Stien, even if he did give you an excellent moth neck tattoo. Tattoos are forever, and so is brain damage from motorbike accidents. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. 

Review by Georgina Binns

United Kingdom, Georgia and Moldova

United Kingdom – Sam Ryder: SPACE MAN

Entirely pleasant to listen to, with a wonderful voice. The lyrics didn’t shout out to me, and I couldn’t detect much depth to them. He looks like a lovely chap, and I wish him all the best. This song however doesn’t have the necessary flamboyance and pizazz to rock Eurovision.

Review by Louis O’Neill

Georgia – Circus Mircus: Lock Me In

DJ Casper meets Run DMC, with cameos from other genres. A very welcome guest appearance from a sesame street puppet added to the experience. It’s a pity that this group didn’t make it in the circus realm, because unfortunately the music realm doesn’t seem to be a good match either. The costumes made up for the weak lyrics. Hoping for some extravagance in their performance on the night, with a nod to their circus past.

Review by Kiara L’Herpiniere

Moldova – Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers: Trenulețul

Hey Ho! Folklore and Rock’n’Roll!!! This performance is high energy, led by a masterful combination of accordion and violin. When the music is this good, and your feet are tapping this much, you don’t need to worry about the lyrics having a deeper meaning. This certainly makes me want to use the Maldovan train network, for an experience like this, I would pay top dollar. The song was great, the rhythm was catchy, the energy was contagious, and I love the sudden halt when the ticket inspector entered. Very much looking forward to seeing their stage presence, and hoping the carpet makes an appearance. Go Moldova!

Review by Kiara L’Herpiniere & Louis O’Neill

Azerbaijan, Czech Republic and Israel

Azerbaijan – Nadir Rustamli: Fade To Black

Nadir’s gentle piano opening borrows heavily from Kate Bush.. ..as does his obsession with the weather (see ‘Cloudbusting’ by Kate). This is all excellent, as is a bit of falsetto thrown in and his beanie (I have to say the hat game is strong this year!). Yet, I feel that Azerbaijan is just too similar to other gentle souls at Eurovision, playing the piano and eviscerating their softer underbelly….

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Czech Republic – We Are Domi: Lights Off

Oh, I do like myself a bit of electropop, and We Are Domi do not disappoint! This joyous pop anthem will surely bring the house down on the night! From my perspective one of the best entries from the Czech Republic in years! Hoping for a place in the finales (which it has only achieved three times since 2007).

Review by Mariella Herberstein

Israel – Michael Ben David: I.M

Fabulous. Embracing all aspects of diversity. Embedding pop into middle eastern beats. I just want to get into that tunnel and display myself proudly. Very empowering, ferocious and shameless. 

Review by Kiara L’Herpiniere

Switzerland, Greece and Australia

Switzerland – Marius Bear: Boys Do Cry

Yes, boys do cry. In our society, most people think that boys should never cry. It does not suit their image and they should always be tough. I love this song because it carries a very important message to break the long-held, erroneous belief our society has. We should assimilate the essence of this song.

Review by Shatabdi Paul

Oh Switzerland. This beautiful entry is contributing to breaking down the stigma of men’s mental health. With a beautifully husky voice, Marius’ first lyric paints a picture of his younger self, tearing up at the unexplained phenomenon of heartbreak. The imagery of a blue young child invokes an ache in my heart, and by the end of the song, I feel deep empathy for grown men: for all those who grow to embody masculine ideals through societal pressure and bury the blue deep inside. Men cry, and that is not only perfectly okay but completely normal. Love it. Love Marius. Love Switzerland.

Review by Kiara L’Herpiniere 

Greece – Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord: Die Together

I can see myself and my life in every line of this song. It reminds us that you can make anything impossible possible for love. The lyrics, tune of this song and the way Amanda Tenfjord sings and acts are just mind blowing Amanda Tenfjord did an excellent job especially in the bridge section. This song has something magical that will win the music lover’s heart.

Review by Shatabdi Paul

Australia – Sheldon Riley – Not The Same

Australia’s entry is playing on the heartstring of ‘not being the same’. The journey from beginning to end of the song took me from a neutral zone to a semi-emotional state. The lyrics were great, a deeply moving story of early neurodivergence diagnosis, but it took a while to feel it through the voice. I really loved the outfit- adorned with a striking black frock and diamond-encrusted veil- they emit a sense of mourning for a sense of self that was never going to be attainable. By the end of the song, the repeated lyric ‘I’m not the same’ caught me, pulled me in, and tipped me into my emotional mind. Solid entry for Ozzie candidate.

Review by Kiara L’Herpiniere

Belgium, Bulgaria and Norway

Belgium – Jérémie Makiese: Miss You

Although I love the way Jerémie screams “No”, the theme of the song reminds me of sad teenagers.  The melody is beautiful, and Jerémie can transition between high and low keys really well. The little heart icon on the costume is very precious, as I am one to appreciate people who dress in character. Overall, it is a performance that has a good energy, and It is easy to sing along, but I don’t see this as a winner. 

Review by Marilia Erickson

Bulgaria – Intelligent Music Project: Intention

This is an enjoyable performance, as I am biased towards rock. Unfortunately, enjoyable is all that was. Even though they sing about how they are “never in the safety zone” the performance seemed very safe to me and missing the raw emotion I would expect every time I was hoping for some higher notes. This could be on my Spotify playlist, but I don’t think it has what it takes to take the title.

Review by Marilia Erickson

Norway – Subwoolfer: Give That Wolf A Banana

At first, I did not know what I was looking at, but then I realized Subwoolfer was dressed in yellow because this is pure gold. The costumes are absolutely amazing; the music is absolutely amazing; the choreography is absolutely amazing; and the lyrics just make me want to sing “yum, yum, yum”. So, someone please get these wolves a trophy full of bananas. Even though it is doubtful that I will listen to this song again; I will certainly never forget it.  Grandma will be missed.

Review by Marilia Erickson

Sweden, Malta and France

Sweden – Cornelia Jakobs: Hold Me Closer

As a bitter Finn I naturally crave to say something negative about our “always better at everything”-neighbour Sweden, but I must admit I really like this song from the first listening – a rare jewel in Eurovision song contest! I like the appearance of the video, the slightly hoarse voice of Cornelia Jakobs and the catchy melody. It is a marvel, because I have a pre-decided and thus unfair tendency to dislike any breakup or goodbye songs (this song very literally fitting in the latter category). The very nice and not too repetitive lyrics written by Jakobs herself probably hit too close home with me due to my very recent move to Australia and might bias my perception on the song. But I stand by my statement, this is a really pleasant song and definitely one to make it to the finals.

Review by Sanni Silvasti

Malta – Emma Muscat: I Am What I Am

This song attempts to make an undeniably important point of individuality and the need of people to recognize and accept diversity in others. But jeez, what a Disney song… The only difference is that the songs in cartoon movies would never ever be this boring. The video could have saved a lot; the start was kind of good but towards the end the whole scheme got at least as corny as the song was boring. My suspicion is that this piece will be forgotten by the audience at the very instance the last tunes of the too much repeated “I am what I am” fades and thus it will not make its way to the finals. Props for at least having diverse people in the music video, though.

Review by Sanni Silvasti

France – Alvan & Ahez: Fulenn

The song starts by building a mental image of mystical women in a forest dancing to ethnic beats in torch light, and by the first chorus I am completely hooked! The whole performance is mesmerizing and hilarious if you read the translations of the lyrics at the same time.  Shadow spirits, beasts, lust, and heat are mentioned! It is very refreshing, however, that even though the theme of the song perhaps implies some pagan sex fest, the music video is not relying on overly sexualized naked women. Rather, vocalists are dressed in black and gold and are doing a good job at singing and being mysterious while a single dancer is there to add to the atmosphere of a near satanic rite. The song is catchy and definitely entertaining – I assume this one will make it to the finals but will not take the victory this year. I dance with the devil, so what!

Review by Sanni Silvasti