Anxehla belts out a classic Eurovision power ballad with everything you hoped for: wailing pipes, a plunging décolletage, a key change and a truck load of regrets. The deceptive soft start quickly gives way to a heavy drum beat, a rogue clarinet and Anxehia’s imposing yodel – oh boy!
Stefania travels by Pegasus (a winged horse of sorts), heavily sampling the 80s (think Kim Wild and Never Ending Story) encouraging us to dance. The song is inoffensive and imminently forgettable. With her Durch background, here is hoping for some sympathy points from the host country.
I have never thought of myself a hateful person but Jendrik’s random collection of melodized emojis underpinned by an insidious ukulele sure turned me!
Wow Italy, this was a shock but mainly because of my lack of experience with the Italian rock(ish) sound. The guitars sound great and combined with the voice and melody there definitively was some light head banging.
Although, it feels like the look is a bit forced maybe towards darker sounds, but not really getting it… did anyone else think of Marilyn Manson around the middle of the video? Drums and guitars have more of a 2010’s rock vibe with all the “The something” bands and the bass had a really cool Smashing Pumpkins flavour to it. A nice unexpected finding but also not really getting anything new or truly exciting here.
Well done Hooverphonic! Nice, short and catchy. But the real gold was hidden in the lyrics, the aftermath of a regretful one night stand, already intriguing isn’t it? Then, some fine notes of ironic humour and Johnny Cash references!!
With a really nice voice and melody, the band makes a clear point: if your one-night stand wakes up for the need of a cup of organic tea, then they are unworthy of wearing your Johnny Cash t-shirt, amen! Got lost somewhere in the middle of the video but the singing head on the floor totally pull me back to sing along! Dude, you’re in the wrong place!
I sure like the magenta velvet smoking jacket Tusse is wearing in the video, but, boy, does he drag out every note of this song…’can you heeeeeeaaaaaaaar a million voices’. I guess he needed to make it to the 3 minute mark. Not even the customary key change cheered me up.
Review by Mariella Herberstein
France – Voilà by Barbara Pravi
OMD (oh mon dieu) – France is going old school on us with a classic chanson, Piaff style. By 1’07” I developed cravings for Gauloise and cheap Beaujolais, contemplating the existential crisis of my life. Send help ….. or Denmark’s Fyr Og Flamme.
Featuring the mother of all key changes, Ana scales an impressive vocal range into a massive crescendo ably supported by a gospel choir. But without any of the usual trashy gimmicks, I doubt it will it be enough.
Gjon isn’t the only one crying after this thoroughly mediocre and appropriately car-crash-themed ballad. I am too, but they’re tears of boredom. That’s a thing now, all thanks to this song. 2/10 for the pretty landscape I’d like to visit when he gets up off the road and stops crying.
Review by Willow Norton
North Macedonia – Here I Stand by Vasil
Between the intensely uncomfortable eye contact and the Bond Villain aesthetic, I’m wondering whether Vasil wants to eat me or have me join his cult. Possibly both. Either way, his vibe was so distracting I barely noticed the song, which was boring and thoroughly forgettable. 0/10 Please never look at me like that again.
In case you were wondering, TIX bases his professional persona on the fact that he has Tourette’s Syndrome (TS), as chronicled in a mildly heartbreaking music video based on his childhood bullying incidents. He uses his C-list celebrity fame to spread awareness on Tourette’s, so I’d like to honor him by doing the same. TS is a movement disorder characterized by the combination of involuntary erratic rapid muscle contractions (movement tics), and verbal tics consisting of grunts and coughs, or more complex behavior such as repeating words (echolalia) or famously but rarely, the yelling of profanities (coprolalia). TS is considered a form of neurodivergence, an axis of diversity long ignored in the celebration of diversity that is classically Eurovision. So thank you TIX for your honesty and emotional bravery.
That said, I owe his honesty an honest review… except I can’t, since you might mistake it for coprolalia. What I will say is that I thought the song was boring, derivative, and repetitive (but not echolalia). One can only assume the Eurovision voters will diverge from TIX, and this fallen angel will fall to the bottom half of the finals.
Review by Scott Fabricant
Ukraine – SHUM by Go_A
I will admit I’m a bit rusty, but I remember a little behavioral ecology. An energetically costly signal is more likely to be an honest indicator of quality, right? In that case, Ukraine has A+ genes since honestly even watching this performance is a little exhausting. Like a whirling dervish, this folktronica forest rave keeps getting faster and faster. Like… like… supraventricular tachycardia? No, bad Scott, this is an ecology blog! Anyway, Go_A lives up to her name with an energetic quality beat that keeps going. Do I think she’ll win? Probably not the Eurovision finals, but possibly a fist fight against Putin. A+ genes!
Review by Scott Fabricant
Russia – Russian Woman by Manizha
I have no idea what Manizha is saying to me in Russian, but I am certain she is spilling some very hot tea, reading me good, and I’ve earned whatever acid she’s spraying. Her powerful verse crosses all language barriers for a full-throated assault on toxic masculinity and I am loving it. Coming out strong in an aposematically-red Rosie the Riveter jumper, her command of intersexual conflict would put ducks to shame. Douze points from me, but what I really want to see is her trash-talk Putin after Ukraine’s Go_A are finished with him.
I love the way Senhit pronounces ‘adrenaline’ – ADRRRRRELANIIIINE. The rest is ho-hum: wailing pipes, stomping rhythm and a superfluous rap interlude.
Reviewed by Mariella Herberstein
Cyprus – El Diablo by Elena Tsagrinou
Lady Gaga rang…she wants her songs back! But plagiarism is not the controversy here…poor Elena has been accused of devil worship.
Sure, she has given her heart to the devil, but, to be honest, the lyrics are more a cooking recipe than satanic : ‘hotter than sriracha’, ‘Ta-Taco tamale’ and ‘All this spicy melts’.
Another trashy entry from Cyprus, good enough for a summer hit in Mediterranean Discotheques.
Reviewed by Mariella Herberstein
Austria – Amen by Vincent Bueno
I have been taking up powernaps, and Vincent’s labouring, vaguely pious and non-descript ballad is the ideal sedative. I do wonder if he will make friends with devil-worshipper Elana from Cyprus.
Neo-pop punk metal dance track with a catchy chorus, gorilla/dog grunting and a dude hanging back whispering echoes to the lead singer. The hair styles are very 90s Nirvana/Silverchair, which I really like (90’s- early 00’s metal punk rock tragic here, don’t @ me), and the song ends with a very impressive scream (very similar to sounds I’ve often heard in the PhD offices), but no key change in sight. Are Blind Channel blind to the rules of Eurovision? You have to have a key change to get into the finals.
I just read that they call their music a brand of ‘violent pop’ but I’m not sure if they realise how cute they all are with their eyeliner? Also, they wrote on their profile that if they were playing Mariocart, they’d pick Yoshi? ADORABLE. Can we sneak them into the country for a tour with our Finnish researchers next year, please??
Review by Georgina Binns
Israel: Eden Alene- Set me free
Damn, what a queen! Eden is a powerhouse with a catchy middle eastern themed tune and a fantastic voice. I would have liked to have seen her ballet talents highlighted here, but this is an absolute banger, and with a key change! Eden knows what’s up! Her white outfit in this video is very striking against everyone else dressed so darkly, but is reminiscent of Kylie’s ‘Can’t get you out of my head’, which was frankly also a club banger back in the day- and if you ask DJ Merciless to play this song, she probably already has it lined up, so don’t even bother.
I have a lot of feelings about the chosen lyrics, particularly the continuously repeated ‘Set Me Free’, which is a lovely sentiment, but a bit on the nose under current circumstances? Why do I always want to be so political about this? This is Eurovision, politics are not allowed! Anyway, it’s super catchy and I already can’t get it out of my head.
Review by Georgina Binns
Spain: Blas Cantó – Voy A Quedarme
Blas, how on earth do you get so much height in your fringe? I am truly impressed. Yeah, your voice is lovely and you can hit those high notes like a god-damn nightingale, but that quiff, seriously, what a dude.
And there’s nothing like a cute very young man with no shoes hugging his grandma, singing what I imagine is an ode to how much he loves his maternal old lady. I am going to relish in this lovely feeling before I read the English translation of the lyrics and what I hope remains this sweet and innocent ballad or regard for older women.
Ok. “Of memories of your skin..”… “Just inches away from me…” ok… “I’m going to kiss you very slowly like the first time…” err.. “Just leave behind the fear..” right. Maybe it wasn’t his grandma.
Amnesia is a song that deals with pressures of modern performance focused societies and the impossibility to achieve “it all” as the lyrics say. Comparison to the busy and ever more demanding world may lead to low self-esteem and feeling of inadequacy when the usually self-defined (but also exogenous) criteria of perfection are not met – something that almost anyone can relate to. The song is a surprisingly nice piece that keeps to its focal message without meandering too much. Overall style of the music video is something in between of emo kid style of 2000’s (imagine Arvil Lavigne around the time of ‘Sk8er boi’) and more modern version of emo style represented by Billie Eilish.
First hearing of the song left me annoyed and made me consider insulting my future country of residence with a prickly critical review. Second time hearing the song I read the lyrics and changed my mind on most of my squeamishness; Aussie accent and elongated artsyish vocals had distracted me from a pretty nice message of the song. Further listening made me also grant that Montaigne can really sing. What finally made me box the compass with ‘Technicolour’ were the two lines in the lyrics “Everything is frustrating, Everything moves along faster than I can relate to” – my thought exactly! The song is weakened only by the shouted few lines right after the ones mentioned previously, and also maybe little bit due to the fact that the line “time to take off your cloaks” seriously sounds like Montaigne was urging us to take off our clothes!
Well, here’s a proper Eurovision contest song! Smells like nothing, tastes like nothing – did I just hear something?? A breakup song is always a dodgy choice for Eurovision since they tend to be monotonous and repetitious in character. My suspicion is that this one will be forgotten by the viewers in the midst of all the other performances and will not make it through semi-finals.
I picked Lithuania to review thanks to their catchy band name – The Roop. Apparently, it means “to shout”, in case you were wondering. I started watching their video, Discoteque, and was pleasantly surprised to hear some cool blues music, so I turned off my Spotify.
The Roop are clearly students of signalling theory. Their clothes and set feature high contrast and bright colours, so I am pretty sure they are warning me about something, although I couldn’t quite decide what. The video is quietly humorous, I didn’t hear a single voice auto-tuner, and they looked like they were having fun. And just between you and me, they were singing about the only way I will ever dance!
Oh my…what a great electro-pop-gem Iceland has in store for us this year! This little ditty has my toes tapping. Dressed in Power Rangers pyjamas, Daði and his daggy crew combine possible the worst choreography with flat hair and keytars. I just love it –douze points from me! And the official video is super sweet!
Albina and her ponytail mean business – frankly she’s had enough…someone has given her bad loving and now she’s in a war zone! All this anger is delivered in staccato, floating on a heavy base. The verse of Croatian thrown in at the end is a bonus! Still, no further than the semi-finales, I should think.
Friends of fine music! I am so excited that Eurovision has emerged from its COVID-induced slumber.
12 months ago, we were all geared up to go to Rotterdam for the 2020 Eurovision spectacular when the pandemic cruelly denied us and left us in musical limbo. But now, with the event on the horizon, smiles are returning and COVID cases all around Europe are falling….just a correlation??? Me thinks not!
What can we expect? Has this artistic hiatus propelled the entries to greater heights of song quality and delivery? Has the global existential crisis provoked philosophical insights and empathy for the struggles of humanity?
Not in the least!!! If anything, Eurovision went back in time (circa 1992) with an motley collection of retro-fixes and soap-bubbles. I simply love it!!!
So, join me and my team of Eurovision experts (Club Douze Points) for song reviews and insights!
We will crown the 2021 Eurovision festival with an evening at the Salisbury Hotel in Sydney (May 23 from 6pm) hosted by the NSW Queers in Science. Join us for some nibbles on the house and a lot of fun! Register here for literally no money at all!
